Six Glasses of Wine a Day Improves Quality of Life for Animation Instructors

Bob Lincoln June 25, 2012 2

“It seems the more instructors drink each day, the better they feel about themselves, the less they regret not choosing an appropriate profession.”

A University of Michigan School of Medicine study of animation instructors has found that those who drink in moderation – no more than 42 glasses a week and no more than six per day – have a better overall quality of life than those that don’t drink any alcoholic beverages at all.

Researchers studied 500 teachers in the U.S. and Canada teaching at the secondary, post secondary or vocational level, for a period of two years.  After factoring out all the Canadian instructors due to their excessive drinking and incessant rambling about waiting for a call from Nelvana, the study’s authors found that regular, moderate drinkers consistently scored the highest in all quality of life index categories.

The study’s quality of life index included lifestyle factors such as cognition, verbal communication skills, feelings of artistic and professional inferiority, years needed to learn ZBrush, and ability to watch hours of animated student shorts without the subject harming themselves or others.

According to Dr. Leland Gouache, one of the principle researchers, “Without a doubt, the study shows a definite correlation between moderate alcohol consumption and a better quality of life for animation instructors. It seems the more instructors drink each day, the better they feel about themselves, the less they regret not choosing an appropriate profession.”

Dr. Gouache noted, however, “What is less clear is how the ongoing consumption of six or more glasses of wine per day affects the teachers as they age.  Further study is needed to assess how alcohol affects their ability to handle ongoing issues of depression, anger and contempt for the industry and society at large that come from a lifetime spent teaching thousands of students you know will never, ever get jobs doing anything besides serving cappuccino or grooming dogs.”

Of particular interest was the universal attempt by instructors to avoid watching student films, regardless of the number of glasses of wine they drank. Study architect Dr. Anders Kaerk-Harden commented, “Teachers would often drink wine directly from the bottle before attempting to watch student shorts.  This activity consistently caused disruptive, often violent behavior within our test group, so we threw the category out of our index. The research team postulated causality with the qualitative assumption that student films for the most part are unbelievably shitty, but more research is needed.”

More Cork-age 4 – Image © Topshelf

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