Awesome Tsunami-Swept Anime Porn Stash Washes Ashore in Alaska

Bob Lincoln August 23, 2012 1

A U.S. Navy salvage crew hauls the anime porn stash ashore. A spokesperson referred to the collection as, “the most amazing collection of the nastiest, more horrifically inappropriate and disgusting animated Japanese pornography I’ve ever seen.”

A 14 year-old Japanese boy whose home was destroyed in last year’s tsunami was overjoyed to learn his prized possession survived: an unbelievably awesome anime porn collection, which washed ashore last week in Alaska.

A local church group collecting driftwood at the beach just outside Sitka, Alaska found the collection inside several wooden cabinets buried in a debris field.  Police were called in to restore calm after several fights broke out within the group over claims of ownership.  After conferring with state authorities, police called in a U.S. Navy salvage unit to rescue the collection and attempt to contact its Japanese owner. An anonymous Navy spokesperson told reporters that the 5,000 title collection was, “A priceless assembly of hentai anime and seijin Manga.  This kid, without a doubt, had amassed the most amazing collection of the nastiest, more horrifically inappropriate and disgusting animated Japanese pornography I’ve ever seen. And I’ve lived in Okinawa and the Philippines.”

When located, the owner, whose name was kept confidential because of his age, exclaimed, “I am overwhelmed with glee!  My father and I had been collecting together since I was 7.  Many of the DVD covers have messages of encouragement he wrote to me, cheering me on to do well in school and do good works within our local village.  I never thought I would see them again!”  He continued, “While I had already begun to rebuild my collection with the help of my father and uncle, there is no way I could ever replace some of the unbelievably fantastic titles in that collection. The quality of the animation, the acting, the pacing, it’s awesome.  The stories are riveting. Especially the tentacle rape and Futanari selections. And watching so many different visual styles of ejaculation is like holding your own Anime expo!”

A spokesman for the National Oceanic Atmospheric Administration estimated the collection traveled more than 10,000 miles from Northern Japan across the Pacific to Alaska. NOAA predicts the majority of the huge mass of debris making its way from Japan will wash up on shore from Alaska to Oregon beginning in spring 2013.  Scientists speculate that anime porn represents between 10-12% of all the debris still drifting towards the North American west coast.

Last month, a U.S. Coast Guard cutter fired on and sank what ended up being a large group of 55 gallon drums filled with red miso paste and Hello Kitty bath gel that had been deemed a hazard to shipping.

Image credit: USS Essex action by DVIDSHUB | CC-BY-3.0

One Comment »

  1. Regis Philbin August 29, 2012 at 4:06 pm - Reply

    This is so wrong. I love it.

Leave A Response »

UA-10795552-4
Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox

Join other followers: