28 parents fell violently ill Sunday during a senior animation student screening, all reportedly sickened after witnessing what $200,000 in tuition, materials and living expenses actually buys at many four-year animation programs today.
A Western Missouri Health Agency official disclosed that the outbreak at Ozark Mountain Digital Art and Design Academy Institute Center, a private art college on the outskirts of Joplin, Missouri, was caused by the audience’s exposure to a batch of extremely poor quality animated shorts, adding that although food poisoning has been ruled out the investigation was continuing. A call to the CDC in Atlanta confirmed that the illnesses were “not pathogenic in nature, but more likely due to sudden, uncontrollable heartbreak and rage.”
Witnesses claimed several audience members started experiencing visible distress just minutes into the program and that by the end of the third short, a 12-minute scratch film about a coal-mining zombie ninja’s struggles with society’s indifference towards his narcolepsy, almost half the audience was doubled over in the aisles.
In all, 28 parents were stricken with a variety of flu and heart attack-like symptoms including shortness of breath, stomach cramps, vomiting, chest clutching and outbursts of intense profanity. Emergency workers at the scene had to restrain several stricken step-fathers who somehow managed to leap off gurneys and lunge at two senior school administrators.